Mature Gay Mens Love Coach

Hello All,

With the goal of developing services and programs for ‘Otherwise Successful Older Gay Men’ who are challenged with dating, I’m asking for your participation in a  very short survey.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/XKXWCZQ

If perhaps you don’t identify as a Gay Man please consider passing this survey along to the Gay Men in our life; the guy at work; your admired  relative; or others in your life who’d be willing to participate.

Thanks,  Ronald

With the passing of well know and award winning author E. Lynn Harris this past week my thoughts run towards quality of live issues.   Given our own mortality, one would hope later not sooner, how do we spent out time?  The Twelve Step slogan “One Day at A Time” reminds us of the finite nature of our moments, hours, days, and span. And the goal of living this day, just this day, to it’s fullest.

All to often we hear, or state to others, “I’m so busy.  I don’t have enough time. When can I ever find the time to see you.”

The use of our time is about decisions.  Do you spend an evening watching some inane television…or worse yet, reruns of ‘Law & Order’ you’ve already seen three times?  Or is spending and hour on the phone catching up with two old friends giving them the quality time only you can offer a better use of your time?  Which do you want to choose?

Living ‘One Day at A Time’ means making choices.  Only you can decide how you’re going to enrich the lives of others, and thereby your own life.

Coaching Assignment:  List three ways in which you waste the precious time you have in one single day.  Any day will do, yet a weekend day might be a good place to start.  Then list three things you WILL do differently with each of those hours you choose to be filled with more quality.  Report back so we can explore your decisions further.

Are you drifting thru  live?  Or are you enjoying the quality of the swim with others?

Coach Ronald

ODAT

Email me

Books by E. Lynn Harris

E. Lynn Harris – Huffington Post

CBS Early Show Interview – Pam House Blend

E. Lynn Harris Official Website

The importance of connection, friends, family, buddies, and the like cannot be overestimated. We all need to have support and give that same support to those around us who are important to us.  If one is lonely and staved for attention and/or affection it may be a result of not giving the same to others.  Ya think?

Who are you standing by, supporting, listening to, or simple being there for?  Is ‘quality time’ part of what you share with others?  Sometimes we can be so distracted by our text messages; checking email on our phones; looking at someone other then the one we’re with that we are not giving of our time.

Reach out to them today and let them know you are there for them. Let them understand how important they are to you. Stand by them in that special way only YOU can.

Coaching assignment:  Make a list of three people you’ve not connected with or given any time to in the last 30 days.  Give them a call, send them an email, or simple connect in some way.  Offer, with specific detail, to meet with them.  Please report back your results in the comments section.

Dear Coach,

My Sex Buddy and I have been hooking up on and off for almost 2 years now. Part of his work keeps him on the road. I’m in love with him but we have never discussed a relationship b/c we have an unsaid understanding that he is busy and can only hook up when he is in town. The sex is awesome. Is this all that it is going to be?

Confused in LA
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Dear Confused in LA,

It would appear the classic trap of confusing sex and love has befallen you.  Without a clear discussion between you and ‘Mr Sex Buddy’ you are left creating your own definition of the relationship, which is clearly different from his.

Your answer to ‘is this all there is going to be’ is clear in the question.  While there may be more, the ‘unsaid understanding’ defines the relationship.  When he’s in town the hook up will occur.  Nothing more is defined, at least clearly between the two of you, except sex buddies.

My first request for you?  Talk to him and begin to define the connection.  Are we sex buddies?  Lovers? Friends? Occasional ‘lets get together and have some fun’ buddies?  Clearing this up, or at least beginning to talk about it, will allow you to decide if, and how, you want to continue.

All to often ‘Fred’ sees his time with ‘John’ as a great sexual connection.  While ‘John’ has the misguided belief that he’s in a relationship, in love, the real thing, rather then just a hookup buddy.

John is the only one who is troubled here.  He wants a relationship and thinks he has one, yet he is not getting his needs met, other then the sex.

You say the sex is awesome?  Great!  If that is all you want from him that’s great too.  Yet if you want (need) more then it’s time to step up and talk.

What’s it going to be for you?  Sex Buddy (nothing wrong with that) or Lover?  Until you become clear what the relationship is about, there will always be questions, and disappointments, for yourself.

Additionally, if there is no real potential for anything more, you’re wasting a lot of time, and energy, when you could be out there attracting Mr Right.

Coach Ronald

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Coach Notes:  What has been your experience with undefined ’sex buddy’ relationships?  Feel free to add your comments, thoughts, and suggestions in the comments box below.  I, and Mr Confused, look forward to hearing from you.